Access Granted
by Flamist.Rika
Summary: After finding out that his crush is dating Orochimaru, Itachi tried to spoil the relationship- but gets turned into a girl instead! Now, he's determined to break them up- and avoid guys at the same time. ItaKaka SakuOro
1. Chapter 1

**_Access Granted_**

Chapter 1

_Pay back_

* * *

Itachi sat in his classroom, paying more attention to Sakura Haruno than his science teacher. The bell rang and Itachi walked up to Sakura, putting a hand on her desk, smirking. "Hey babe- got plans tonight?"

"Yeah- but none of them involve you." Sakura said, packing up her things. "Face it, Itachi-San, I don't like you, and you don't stand a chance against my Orochimaru."

"What the hell does that geezer have on me?!" Itachi demanded angrilly.

"Well, for one, he's certainly got more manners than you." She said frostily. "Got to go- I don't like to make my man wait." She smirked, walking off, making Itachi pound his fist down on her desk angrily. Damn 50-year-old Micheal Jackson imposter! Now, he'd never have a chance in hell with Sakura. Itachi sighed and walked out of the school- even catching a glimpse of Sakura and Orochimaru making out, before getting in his car and zooming off.

_Hope you get in an accident._ Itachi thought bitterly, before walking home.

**&% **Uchiha Residence **%&**

Right when Itachi walked through the door, his mother was shouting. "Damn it, Sasuke, stop playing 'Doctor' with Naruto!"

"Yes mom." Came Sasuke's reluctant reply, as Itachi dropped his back and took off his shoes, walking over to the counter and sitting on one of the bar stools there, laying his forehead on the cool and refreshing surface of the counter.

"Welcome home, Bachelor." His mother said sarcastic and teasingly- as always. "What's today's count?"

"4 love letters, 3 packages of home-made chocolates- and 0 chance of winning Sakura-Chan's heart." His mother scoffed.

"You know, I knew Orochimaru in high school." Itachi instantly perked up and lifted his head. He loved her stories. "He wasn't- quite- the playboy. Oh, but was he CUTE! He was quite and absorbed with his word, hardly letting a few people in. But when he did have to let someone in, he always chose me- I guess because he took a liking to me or something. I dunno, he got creepy."

"Why did he like you?"

"Well- I liked the same weirdo shit he did, and I was like his- how do you kids say it these days? 'Cuddle Buddy'?"

"You slept with him?!"

"Once or twice- But I always bullied him into using a condom- besides, even if I did have a kid, none of you came from him! (Thank the Lord)" His adoptive mother said. After the Uchiha clan died, She adopted Itachi and Sasuke- oh, and Naruto. Itachi and Sasuke were a package. she adopted Naruto because he was cute and a sweetheart. "But You have to watch out for Orochi- that motherfucker is lick a resturant kitchen door! He swings BOTH ways." Itachi laughed at this. "Anyways- he wasn't really the BEST experience I've had in bed, so to say. But that freakishly long tongue of his came in handy-"

"Got anything I can black-mail him with, mom?"

"Hell yes I do! You know what? We should have a conference with him! Don't worry- I got ways to keep him in line." She gave a shifty glance from left to right, and checked for his brothers, before gesturing him in for a secret bit of info, leaning forward as well. "I was so tight with him, that he actually taught me some of his special jutsu- and he made some for me too. I'll use them to keep him in line." She suggested. Itachi smirked.

"You're the best."

"That's what he said back then." she said, making him laugh once more. "Now go on and get that homework done! Or no black-mailing for you!"

**&% **Classroom- Parent Meeting **%&**

"You look sexy mom." Itachi said, making her giggle.

"You think so?"

"Yep."

They both entered the classroom. "Hello, , I'm Itachi's Foster Parent, Mako Takinara." She smiled, shaking hands with Itachi's Science teacher, Itachi looked at the sliding door, as Orochimaru came in.

"Mako-San!" He purred. "What a surprise!" Mako turned to Orochimaru, flipping her hair sexyily.

"Ohoho! Same here!" She said.

"Wow- You've gotten even prettier then the last time we met." Orochimaru said- this was in the tone of insulting her.

"And you've gotten more feminine! You might as well have a sexchange. "Mako said, smiling, even though every word dripped with acid.

"Oh- I see you have kids-"

"yes- but I signed the papers for their pedgrees- unlike you and your possible hundreds of illegitamite children out there in the world." Mako said. "But I'm here to bring to attention a- complaint- my son has with your relationship with a student here- underage of consentual sex." She smiled darkly. "Poor Orochimaru- I thought you might be smart enough to study up on your victim-"

"Yeah, well, I thought you'd show some freaking compassion-"

"HA! Compassion? to your bitch ass? You must have me mistaken for some other push over wench of yours!" Mako sneered, Itachi enjoying this bout.

"At least I'm a Sannin-"

"Hey, Don't you have a bombshell of a wife? And your dating a high schooler? Shows what you get for smoking all that crack and snorting all that meth." Mako hissed, "Oh, and by the way- I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE."

"You don't know my room-"

"I got that map you drew for me in high school- remember? you have too much shit to move in less than 2 days." The color drained from his face. "Bitches HAVE been trippin, eh? You'd better shape the fuck up- or I might- _accidentally_- tell them all I know-" She giggled devilishly. "Have a good day knowing my word is your downfall, Orochimaru-_Chan_!"

"You dirty whore!" Orochimaru snarled. "I'll get you for this!"

"And so leads to the reason of your wife whooping your ass." Mako said, as she and Itachi walked off. Orochimaru swore, he'd get back at them- especially that smug little punk, Itachi.

**&% **Uchiha Residence **%&**

"You were great, mom!" Itachi cheered. "You gave him the freaking smack down!"

"I guess so." She said. _Something's wrong...I just feel it... _"Go to bed, Itachi. Its late- you got school." Itachi growled, but did as he was told. Mako watched him as he trudged off- hoping she did the right thing, standing up for her adopted son- to Orochimaru. She got back to reading what she was reading.

**&% **Sound Village **%&**

"I'm sorry about Itachi-Kun bothering you, Orochi-Kun." Sakura said, sitting on his work bench, making him smirk.

"Your classmate didn't bother me- my old girlfriend did." He said, as he worked, holding a vial of green liquid to a candle to examine it.

"What's that?"

"This- is my pay back." Orochimaru purred, kissing Sakura, giddy as a school girl, showing off the vial to her. "This is going to damage Mako-San so bady, she'll do ANYTHING to reverse its effect." He told her. Sakura didn't understand and was still a bit confused, but nodded, as he corked the vial and put it in a holder. He moved over to Sakura, putting his hands on either side of her, on the table. "Could you do me a favor?"

"Anything!" She responded without hesitation.

"Get Itachi to drink that- put it in a gatorade or something, I don't care. Just get him to drink it."

"But won't he be able to tell?" Sakura asked curiously, as Orochimaru rubbed the tip of his nose with hers.

"Of course not, silly girl! It will take on the look and form of the liquid in there."

"I don't get it."

"Lets say you finish of drinking a bottle of water. You pour this stuff in, and it will change to looking like and tasting like, water. It'll be ONLY for Itachi- it won't hurt you, but it will cause some serious problems for him." Orochimaru explained. "Just- make sure he gets it, understand." She nodded, making him smirk, before he kissed her. "After this, he'll never bother us again." Orochimaru said, pulling her closer, and kissing her longer. When the broke apart from the lip-lock for air, she giggled cutely.

"Ok, Orochimaru-kun!"


	2. Chapter 2

**_Access Granted_**

Chapter 2

_Keep your tongue to yourself, Orochimaru!_

* * *

Sakura finished off her water, catching Itachi's gaze in their last class for the day, for the 25th time. Itachi noticed, and as he had the other times before, He blushed and looked away bashfully. Sakura rummaged in her school bag for the vial Orocxhimaru gave her, popping it open, and pouring it into the water bottle. Suddenly, it changed from a sickly green liqquid into water- just like Orochimaru said. The bell rung, and Sakura pulled out the water bottle, corkign the empty vial and tossing it back into her bag. She called Itachi over.

"Hey- caught you staring at me." She said, making him look down.

"Sorrry about that-"

"Its ok-" She said. "Hey, I'll forgive you if you help me finish off this water. I'm a little full." Sakura said, making him nod, as she handed him the bottle. "Wanna impress me by chugging it?"

"Sure." He smirked, before gulping all the liquid down in a single gulp, smirking.

"Way to go!" She purred. "Well, I gotta go-"

"Um- Sakura-Chan?" She stopped, looking back at him.

"Yeah?"

"I'm not trying to annoy you or anything- I worry about you is all." He admitted, looking at the water bottle. "So- I just wanted to tell you- that Orochimaru can really hurt you in the long run. But I just wanted to let you know that- I care about your safety. and that I'm here for you- ok?" Sakura smiled. Itachi was such a sweetheart. She now regretted tricking him, but, Orochimaru wanted her to.

"I-I've gotta go." Sakura lied, blushing slightly. "B-But thanks, Itachi-San." she said, forcing a smile when she felt like crying.

"Don't mention it." Itachi said. "And- if he makes you cry, Sakura-Chan- they there's no use in being with him." She nodded, hastily taking her leave, meeting up with Orochimaru.

"Eh? What's wrong?" Orochimaru asked her, as she suddenly started crying.

"Nothing- I just heard some thing really sad today." Sakura lied, getting into his car.

"I'll buy you a puppy or something." He said.

**&% **Uchiha Residence **%&**

Itachi was so happy that he finally told her. He ran home- not noticing his running was slightly faster than the day before. He hastily opened the door, dropping his bag and running on the polished floors with his shoes still on- straight to Mako's room, shoving open the door.

"Mako-San, I did it!" He said, making Mako look up.

"...Do I know you?" Itachi blinked.

"M-Mako-San, it's me- Itachi!"

"Well, Itachi, look at yourself in the mirror, if you would." Itachi looked at her, confused, before going to the mirror- and giving a scream that should shatter your eardrum.

"I'M A GIRL!" Itachi screamed, collapsing, shivering in horror. "H-How...?"

"Orochimaru- that transvestite probably made some sort of potion- tell me, Itachi, has Sakura given you anything to eat or drink recently?"

"S-She asked me to help her drink some water she couldn't finish after school-"

"And that's how it got into your system. Fast acting- he's gotten smarter. Well, was there anything funny with it, or how she asked you to drink it?"

"S-She asked me to chug it-" Mako sighed.

"Yep. Its a potion. Well, you'll just have to wait until it wears out."

"W-What? How long will that take?"

"Knowing Orochimaru, he liked to work fast and doesn't think most things through, so, about a month or two." Itachi cried. "Aww, quite your bitching, Itachi. You can borrow some of my clothes." Mako said, looking up. "SASUKE! NARUTO! COME HERE!" Sasuke and Naruto ran into the room, before stopping.

"WHOA! Who's the babe?" Sasuke asked. Itachi thought this was stupid.

"Your brother, Itachi, has been changed into a girl. Be nice, ok? No threesomes in the middle of the night in the back guest room."

"Awww." Sasuke and Naruto said, still holding hands. "That's ok- we don't need a girl yet!" They both said, before running out.

"Yeah- they're gay." Mako said bluntly, before looking at Itachi. "Pick a chick name. I have errands to run- we'll find Kakashi-Senpai and tell him your cousin will replace you for a little. Mako stood up. "God- he sunk so low-" She closed her book. hurry up and raid my closet- we have work to do, Ichita." Mako smiled, making Itachi nod, standing up.

"O-Ok!" He covered his mouth, finally realizing his voice had changed. "Aww, what the hell? Mako-San, can I try some of your make up?" He asked, looking at himself in the mirror once more, soaking in his new appearance. C-cup boobs, a nice ass, and his hair went to mid-elbow. She smirked, pulling off a sexy pose. "Oh, I can SO work with this!" He/ she purred.

**&% **Market Place **%&**

(Itachi will now be reffured to as a 'she'- HAHA!)

Ichita carried some groceries, as they browsed the marketplace, for more deals. "Oh, hey, I need bras."

"Good call!" Mako said. "Go get some." Itachi blushed.

"W-What?! You want me to go into a female underware store?"

"Hell yea! Look, unless you want to talk to Kakashi, then I'd be getting some panties for your big butt."

"M-My butt is NOT big!" Itachi snapped, noticing Kakashi in front of them.

"Ichita, this is Kakashi- he'll be one of your sensei's at you new school." Mako said.

"Kakashi-Sensei, do you think my butt is big?" Mako flinched, as Itachi twirled around sexily, showing of her ass in the cute dress she wore. Kakashi grinned under that mask of his.

"I think its perfect." He looked at Mako.

"I took Itachi out of school for a mont or two- he complains there's no hand-on activities and it pisses him off. So I'll be training him personally. But, until he wants to go back to school, Ichita here will take his place." Kakashi nodded. "She's another adopted Child who just recently joined my quickly growning family of adorable munchkins." Mako smiled, patting Itachi on the head. "So- take care of her- ok? Anyways, watch the goods, Ichita, I'll go get your much needed goods." Mako said, abandoning Itachi with Kakashi.

_'You unreliable BITCH!' _Itachi mentally screamed, but looked at Kakashi and blushed. _'Ah what the hell- I'll mess with Kakashi, now that I have the chance.'_

"_I-I'm not from here- S-So my Japanese is rough-" _He said in english, making Kakashi smile.

"You're not from here, are you? _Do you know Japanese? We only speak Japanese here._" Itachi mentally twitched. Jerk! He was fucking with her!

"I-I know some- sorry-" Itachi said in correct Japanese. "From- Small Village- not much- communication. Different language spoken- sorry-"

"You don't have to appologize, cutie." Kakashi said, leaning over. "You're so cute when you blush." Itachi's now FEMALE phermones, felt like there were bouncing around in his stomach. She put a hand to her face, her cheeks feeling as if they were on fire. Itachi looked down, feeling embarrased.

"T-Thank you."It didn't matter if he was a dude- the female part was taking over him. "Y-You're so nice-" She blushed.

"Hey- you wanna catch a movie with me sometime, Ichita-Chan?" Itachi blushed.

"I-I don't know why you'd ask me- there are prettier girls who are avalible in the village-" Itachi said, confused.

"But I like you- you're cute in that sexy way and you're easy to talk to." Kakashi grinned.

"Oh, you should, Ichita-chan!" Mako said, done getting Itachi's new undergarments. "Kakashi-San is a super cool guy! You two would make the cutest couple in Konoha!" Itachi glared at her with a 'Not-helping!' look.

"Then it's set! I'll pick you up tomorrow!" Kakashi said, leaning over and kissing Itachi on the cheek, before vanishing. Itachi stood there in shock.

"I-I just got kissed on the cheek- by a GUY-" Itachi whispered, dazed. Reality hit him like a hard slap to the face, and he screamed, before Mako slapped a hand over his mouth.

"Shut up, Drama Queen!" Mako hissed. "Come on, we have to get back to the house." Mako said, gesturing Itachi close, who was carrying the groceries once more.

**&% **Uchiha Residence **%&**

Sasuke and Naruto were squished in the corner of the storage closet amungst boxes and chests, hugging each other for dear life. "Come on out kids-" Said a snake-voice, as they noticed the intruder's shadow outside the door of their hiding place. Naruto whimpered, burying his face into Sasuke's shirt. Sasuke hugged him closer- trying to silently comfort the blond.

"HEY! Those better not be my children trapped in that closet, snake-breath!" Came their adoptive mother's strong and confident voice. The intruder stalling, before being kicked away from the door. Their mother threw it open, seeing them cuddling one another. "Oh, babies! It's ok!" They both ran over and hugged her, Mako glared at the intruder in her home, Orochimaru. "How dare you scare my children you worthless bag of bones!" She snarled, looking back at them, love and kindness in her eyes and tone when she spoke to them. "Go pop into Itachi's room right quick- I got this one, boys." They nodded, hurrying off, as Mako walked over to Orochimaru, who was struggling to his feet. She put a high heel on his back, Itachi watching from the corner, as Mako pushed the Sannin back into the ground. Orochimaru coughed up the dirt he had taken a mouthful of, as she glared down at him. "Sinking so low at to come to my home and harass my children. Changing my son's gender. You've always been such a headache."

"I can (cough) explain-" She eased up, letting him get up a bit. "I came over to talk to you- but you weren't here- so I decided to mess with the kids until you came home-" She pushed him back into the dirt.

"First its little girls, then little boys? You're the average-fucking- Micheal Jackson!" Mako snarled, Itachi getting giddier by the second. Torture excited him- no matter what gender- he felt excited at the pain of others.

"Get him, Mako-San, get him!" Orochimaru looked at him, smirking.

"I guess it worked-" Mako picked him up and restrained him completely.

"Come on, Itachi, give him a good punch or two!" Itachi flinched, thinking that she might get hurt. "Don't worry, I'll be fine- just give him that ass whooping you saved for him!" Itachi grinned, nodding, using the Sharigan on him. Mako waited to see him foaming at the mouth- but there was no foam. She looked and he had turned away. "Sonovabitch!" She snarled, trying to pry his eyes open, but he slipped out of her hold.

"Look, I have the antidote right here-" Orochimaru said, pulling out a yellow vial from his robes, hands up.

"Why don't you hand that over here?" Mako suggested sexily, holding out her hand, but he smirked.

"Not quite, my dear. But-" He put it back in his shirt. "I'll give it to you if you have sex with me-" Mako shuddered, jumping back, disgust on her face, as well as Itachi's.

"I wouldn't rape you with a 50 foot pole, much less sleep with you willingly!" She snapped, making him chuckle.

"Then- you must not want the antidote- even to help your son?" Mako sweated, looking at Orochimaru, before her gaze flickered to Itachi.

"Don't you dare think about it, mom!" Itachi yelled. Mako was at a disadvantage. She looked back to Orochimaru.

"Why don't you bang your little girlfriend?"

"She's too small- She's probably be ripped in half or something." Orochimaru said simply. "So? 'Please' or 'sorry'?"

(In China and Japan, there's a game that's played. A guy confesses his feelings for a girl, asking if she'll go out with him, and the girl has to respond with either 'please' or 'sorry'.)

Mako smirked. "Of course I'll sleep with you-" Orochimaru smiled happily. "-IN HELL!" Itachi smiled now, and Orochimaru growled angrily. She pulled out a piece of gum, popping it in her mouth, before walking over and kissing him, making Itachi's jaw, literally, drop to the floor. She withdrew, Orochimaru smirking, licking his lips.

"Yummy-" He commented. "Do you want your gum back?"

"Think of it as a gift- if you chew it enough, it tightens the skin and retains and shows your natural beauty- that's how I stay so beautiful." Orochimaru blinked.

"R-Really?"

"Would I lie to you?" Orochimaru shook his head, and started chewing vigorously, as Mako walked back over to Itachi.

"What type of gum is that?" He asked.

"A special type I made- if you chew it though, it begins to glue your jaw together. Thus the reason I didn't chew it and gave it too him-" They looked back at Orochimaru, who was groaning and moaning and fuming, that he couldn't open his jaws at all. They both laughed. "Now you can kiss that innocent little girl with that weird, freakish tongue of yours, Orochimaru-Teme." she grinned, before she walked off. Itachi stood there, catching Orochimaru's gaze. He stuck his tongue out at Orochimaru, before fleeing, as Orochimaru groaned and vanished.

"That was great, Mako-San!" Itachi complimented, as they went to his room.

"Thank you, Mom!" Sasuke and Naruto chirped, hugging her. She laughed. "Anything for my boys- oh, by the way, Itachi in now 'Ichita' until we get that antidote from that slimy Bastard, Orochimaru." Mako smiled sweetly. "If you want boys, you can take you're futons and set up camp in my room."

"OK!" Naruto and Sasuke agreed, and went to get their things.


	3. Chapter 3

_**Access Granted**_

Chapter 3

Everyone was cramped in Mako's bedroom- But Sasuke and Naruto cuddled in a single futon. It was horrifying to Itachi, learning that Sasuke was gay for Naruto. Itachi was also, in Mako's room- especially as the sound of their passionate kissing and not-very-well-hushed moans filled the hair. "God damn it, you two, go to sleep! If you're going to have sex, go in your room! DX." Mako snapped abruptly, and Naruto sat up.

"But- what if Orochimaru comes back? I feel safer with you in the room!" Naruto said, tearing up.

"Then stay here, Naruto. Keep it in your pants, Sasuke!" Mako said sternly. "Come on- Ichita is trying to sleep!"

"I have to go on a date tomorrow!" Itachi proclaimed, crying. "I'm gay!"

"Shut up, Itachi. You're a dude trapped in a girl's body." Mako said. "Now go to bed." She said, poking Itachi in the head, and he fell to the ground. "Now- either you little lovebirds go to sleep peacefully- or I'll put you in the same jutsu I did Itachi!" Sasuke and Naruto nodded, huddling together in their futon, and falling asleep. Mako sighed, the two younger boys now asleep, she looked at Itachi, tears slipping down his cheeks. Even in his female body- he was still torn. _'Poor Itachi.' _She thought, and closed her eyes, laying back down on her futon for her own sleep.

~ Next Morning~

"Mom, you look terrible." Naruto commented, Mako looking up from her coffee, heavy purple moons under her eyes, and she had bed-head.

"Orochimaru stopped by at 2 in the morning. I kicked his ass and stayed up all night keeping guard, just incase he was wise enough to come back." Mako muttered, taking a sip of her coffee. "Don't worry- I'll get some rest later." Itachi glanced at Mako. How could she fight off Orochimaru and say it as if he was just some weak bully. Mako noticed this, and he looked away. "You look like- you've got a question, Itachi."

"I…was just wondering, how you can talk about a fight with Orochimaru in such a light tone."

"It was a battle of WITS, she-man, not hand-to-hand combat." Mako snickered, closing her eyes. "He's got fears just like everyone else. If you know the weak spot, you can exploit it, and cause the most damage. GATHER AROUND, MUNCKINS!" Naruto came to the table, dragging Sasuke along. "Ok, now- if you find yourself confronted by that snake cast a genjutsu that involves him turning old. He hates losing his beauty." They nodded, and Sasuke dragged Naruto out the door, Mako chuckling.

"Um- aren't u afraid that they're getting too close?" Itachi questioned, and Mako smiled.

"Who cares? Two is better than one, I'd say." Mako said. "Oh- Kakashi is coming in half an hour."

"WHAT?" Itachi hollered, glancing at the clock, before running off to the bathroom to shower. Mako chuckled.

"Kids these days- always in a rush." There was a knock on the window next to her, making her glance over, Orochimaru's face pressed against the glass. He smiled, and she gave him a look, that screamed 'uninterested'. She sighed, scribbling down a spell on a paper talisman, before opening the window, Orochimaru stepping back. "Geez, you're such a pain, Orochimaru."

"I'm just persistent."

"You're a stalker." She said, slapping the sutra on his forehead. "Now go home!" Mako snarled, shutting her window, locking it, watching Orochimaru vanish. Sutras were always so nice to have on hand. Especially when he came around. She closed the curtains and sighed, a knock on the door. Mako got up and put a smile on, opening the door. "Kakashi, you're early-"

"…so you're waiting for Kakashi?" Mako glared at Orochimaru.

"Oh, woe is me. It's the Snake. Come back another time, please." She said, shutting the door in Orochimaru's face. He stuck his foot in the door, blocking her from closing it completely. She abruptly opened the door, and poked him in the eye, making him withdraw, before shutting the door completely. She walked back to the kitchen, before the front door blew up, flying across the room, making her short hair fly in front of her. Orochimaru stood in the doorway, and Mako turned around to face him.

"I don't have time for your silly games-AGH!" Orochimaru said, before Mako grabbed him by the neck.

"You see that clock?" She demanded, pointing to the analog clock. He nodded. "It says '6:48'. In 12 minutes, Kakashi is coming over to pick up my son, who's now my daughter thanks to your sorry ass!" She hissed, shaking him violently. Mako stopped, and smiled. "This is Itachi's first date- and if there is ever the littlest mistake- you're DEAD. Now put that door back on before I beat some sense into you! I don't want to get in trouble if Kakashi comes and see you here!" She released him, and he made her a new door. "Thank you. Now, my answer is still 'no'."

"After all I've done for you?"

"You made me a new door that YOU broke down. So you just refunded me a door. Because of YOU, I got no sleep."

"Um- I said I'd come back at 6:30…" He sweat dropped, making her turn her back.

"Yes, well, I can't trust you."

"You can, but you just don't WANT to trust me." Orochimaru pointed out, and she glanced back at him.

"You've just won your self a kick." She growled, grabbing his shirt, making him purr something profound in a fond way, before she kicked him out. "Come back in a week. If you don't, I'll have a nice ass-whooping waiting for you. "

"You know I like it rough." She stared down at him, before she frowned, reaching down.

"Poor, poor, Orochimaru-" He held her hand against his cheek, closing his eyes, smiling softly. "You're so far past your prime, its not even funny. I pity you, Orochimaru." She said words as sweet as honey, even though there was a bitter taste in his mouth when he heard them. She withdrew her hand. "Now why don't you go back to the Sound Village, you silly little boy, and go dump your girlfriend."

Orochimaru almost nodded, falling into the jutsu, but he knew better, and snapped out of it with a, "But I love Sakura-Chan!" She slapped him in the face, something he didn't expect at the moment.

"You stupid old man! You wouldn't know what 'love' is if it came and kicked you in the crotch!" She snarled, slamming the door in his face. And, once again, he had lost the window of opportunity, to sleep with Mako.

~Itachi's date~

Kakashi had taken Itachi on a date, to go see a movie (Common girlfriend/ boyfriend stuff). He then treated her to dinner- and some how, they had ended up at his apartment. Itachi sat on the couch, looking down, the high heels he had worn for the date, at the front door. His hair was probably all fucked up- after Mako had spent so much time on it…his little black dress, an invitation, of playful touching. What if Kakashi accepted that invitation? Itachi blushed at the thought, and shook his head. _'No, no, no! Isn't it a rule, 'no sex on the first date'?' _ Itachi thought, before hearing footsteps. Kakashi came in with some tea, offering him a cup. He accepted it and nodded a 'thanks', as Kakashi sat across from him, on another couch.

"So, how old are you, Ichita-Chan?" He asked her, his mask still up, making Itachi curious on what he was hiding under it.

"I'm- 18." Itachi lied, and Kakashi smiled.

"I know this is a little sudden, but- will you be my girlfriend?" He asked, and mentally, Itachi screamed.

"S-Sure." Itachi replied uneasily, and he smiled.

"That's great. So- what are your hobbies?"

"I- uh- like- training?" Itachi stammered, not really knowing what hobbies he had. He did things, yeah, but he couldn't remember anything. Suddenly, something over came him, and he said. "Don't get me wrong, I'm a girl, but, I'm not into ponies or gumdrops or anything. Too many frills are disgusting, they ruin the whole outfit if the occasion doesn't call for it, you know?" He said. Who the fuck was this talking for him? Kakashi grinned.

"Training is good, but you don't need to over-exert yourself, and aside from transportation, yes, horses aren't all that great, but, they do have their uses." Kakashi said, leaning in closer to him, and his face felt hot from the close contact. What the fuck had he put into that tea? "Any other hobbies?"

"I watch over my little brother- keep him out of trouble." He said, which was mainly true, Sasuke did tend to skip classes a lot- and bring Naruto with.

"I've always been an only child." Kakashi said, taking a sip form his tea cup, leaning in closer, "I hope our child won't be lonely." He murmured, pulling down his mask and pressing his lips against Itachi's in a soft kiss, before intensifying it. Suddenly, Itachi pushed him off.

"Fucking WHAT?"

"Your Aunt didn't tell you?" Kakashi asked, and Itachi wondered what the hell he was talking about before he added, "She set us up on an engagement date, and I take a very intense liking to you, Ichita." Kakashi kissed him as he lay on the couch, stupefied.

"E-Engagement date?" Itachi questioned, and Kakashi nodded. "W-What the hell is that?"

"Just what it sounds like, it's similar to a blind date, or a marriage date, but if you choose someone or you're matched up and like them, you're immediately and legally engaged."

"Hold up, you mean you're my fiancée now?" He asked, and Kakashi nodded, kissing Itachi's neck. "What happened to 'no sex on the first date' huh?" Itachi hit him and bolted out of the house and ran back to his own home, and hurriedly picked the lock, running into the house, Mako sitting there.

"Hey Gorgeous, what did I tell you about picking the lock?"

"You set me up on an ENGAGEMENT DATE with KAKASHI!" Itachi snarled, and Mako put down the cup of coffee she was drinking with her right hand.

"Look, until I make something to get that fucking antidote from Orochimaru without having to give up the goods, you'll need someone to watch you. I figured, Kakashi is a good man, and he's strong, and a suitable age. Its just until you get your male parts back, and when you do, we'll break it off." Itachi pointed to her left hand.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, Orochimaru came by- twice. The 1st time, I kicked him out, the 2nd time, he pinned me down, used a jutsu on me, and hand cuffed my left wrist to the table, which he jutsu'd too." She explained, sipping her tea. "He wants to make sure I 'wait for him until he comes home'. I Really, REALLY have to use the restroom, so if you don't mind, slap me right-quick so I can go." Mako asked, and Itachi went to punch her, but slapped her across the face with all the girly-might he now possessed. The justu broke and Mako laughed, "Are you a pussy or something? That was pathetic." Mako got up and left for the bathroom, and Itachi stalked her to the door.

"So I'm married to Kakashi now!"

"No, you're engaged to him. Pull on your big girl panties and suck it up like the rest of us do." She said, followed by the sound of flushing and the faucet that she washed her hands with, before exiting the bathroom.

"What do I do, you've completely fucked me over!" Itachi snarled, and Mako frowned.

"Look, you whiny little bitch!" Itachi flinched, "I have to deal with Orochimaru wanting a piece of me, and you're just going through some female trouble. Now you shut your mouth." Itachi was silent, and Mako put her hands on his/ her shoulders. "Listen now, we girls are manipulative. The way we work is we use our natural seduction and charm to get what we want. You can't use your fists anymore, you have to use charm to make it up in the world, ok?" He nodded, and walked off. Mako groaned. "Fuck my life." She said, walking off.


End file.
